2 cups buttermilk
2 scoops vanilla ice cream
1/2 cup pineapple juice
4 tablespoons brown sugar
2 cups milk

Place all ingredients except the milk into a blender. Blend on medium speed until smooth and creamy. Add more ice cream if you like your mucus extra thick. Fill tall glasses with the mixture and refrigerate.

Heat the milk in a small pan over medium heat until it begins to boil. Remove from the heat and let it cool until a film develops on the surface.

Using a wooden spoon, carefully scoop off the film and place some on top of each milkshake. If you need more mucous just reheat the remaining milk and repeat this step. Be careful not to burn the milk.

And then it gets really disgusting. Blend chunks of pineapple into your milkshake for phlegm balls or maraschino cherries bits for blood clots.